Snap!
Since my last post I have made my triumphant return to Cambridge. This involved the consumption of much foodstuff in celebration. I am currently hosting a tea session at which all of the attendees have opted to be fashionably late, potentially forever, and consequently I have opted to write on here until they never arrive. They have, however, definitely missed out on having any of my exciting cake.
Before I left Cambridge me and me mam dropped in on two of our elderly neighbours, Phil and June, who are both in their mid-80s. June unfortunately has Dementia (in Phil's words, 'is doolally'), although this is not immediately evident when you talk to her. She is very chipper and full of energy, but she does sometimes run into what is confusing for us but evidently fairly logical to her. On this occasion this involved insisting to me that a painting of some Indonesian huts in their living room was actually a depiction of what the area around us used to look like.
Phil is older than June, and looks frailer. He walks with a stick, and literally bends double, arching his back like a perfect C. He has been in and out of the hospital several times over the last couple of months, and informs me that he now has a practically uncountable number of ailments and deficiencies. The fortunate or unfortunate thing about Phil is that his mind, hearing and voice could not be sounder - in fact he is intellectually brilliant, witty, deeply cynical but very funny about his situation, and never misses a beat. This makes him quite lucky given his age, but unlucky given his condition, because I can't imagine what it must be like to have such a mind and to be locked up inside all day, especially with the task of caring for your significant other. Phil has led a fascinating life travelling all across the world through business, and so his house is full of these curiosities, paintings and so on, including of a white tiger, and of the aforementioned Indonesia. Last time I was around their house he insisted that I take a beautiful teapot of his ("We'll be gone soon anyway" was the gist of his gifting) which I have in front of me right now. It's small and white with two golden birds and an orange flower around the teapot lid.
We left with an offer of future help, which I know Phil will not take up.
In other news, there has apparently been some important political news going on. Unfortunately (as you all know) I am a heartily and typically politically apathetic teenager, totally indifferent to matters governmental and cut off from the world of voting and holding down six jobs at once. But I have gathered some vague knowledge about what's going on through Tinder, Grindr and other such tools of the Millenial generation (bloody millennials).
So Theresa may have called for a big game of Snap!™ involving all the main political parties for the 8th June. Theresa's politics are very unclear which is why she earned her popular nickname 'may' (analogous to Alfred 'The Great'); indeed she seems to have no fixed principles at all. Some people say that she sprung the game of Snap!™ on the other participants in order to make it easier for her to win, because polls suggest her Snap!™ skills are highly regarded, and because of the element of surprise. I think this is all definitely true, and I must admit I do find her turn-around very surprising given that only days ago she was fixated on playing monopoly.
Up against her are the leaders of Labour, the Lib Dems, UKIP, the Greens etc. I think I may one day be destined to be Labour Leader, because:
1. One of my middle names is 'Lynton' (true story); this was Tony Blair's middle name
2. Ed Miliband's constituency is Doncaster North: my Dad was from Doncaster
3. My birthday is the 26th May and so is Jeremy Corbyn's.
Therefore I am going to become the next Labour leader.
Some people say that Corbyn is not very good at Snap!™ e.g. David Miliband thinks that Corbyn's leadership is a mistake because "he won't win" Snap!™. Apparently this is because his tactics are too radical. I'm not so sure myself that David Miliband or Tony Blair or any of those people are that good at Snap!™ either; nor am I very convinced that 'Up the middle classes!' is a really good basis for progressive game-playing. But I'd rather any of them won to Theresa.
Tim Farron is an oxymoron because he is not 'far on' the left or 'far on' the right (Geddit?!) - he likes to play Snap!™ from the centre every time. Farron is trying to get the support of the people who did not vote for the UK cards federation to be separated from the European federation, because they think it was a 'fucking moronic' decision. This is a divisive debate, and there is controversy as to whether to support the small-minded people who wanted the cards federation to separate or to oppose those backwards clots. I am definitely neutral in this debate.
To help them with their campaigns to be better at Snap!™ each of the leaders is going to travel across the country. They are trying to make themselves more appealing and so all have been practicing their jazz hands to appeal to the Musical Theatre community, but none of them are very good.
Adios.
RJLF
Before I left Cambridge me and me mam dropped in on two of our elderly neighbours, Phil and June, who are both in their mid-80s. June unfortunately has Dementia (in Phil's words, 'is doolally'), although this is not immediately evident when you talk to her. She is very chipper and full of energy, but she does sometimes run into what is confusing for us but evidently fairly logical to her. On this occasion this involved insisting to me that a painting of some Indonesian huts in their living room was actually a depiction of what the area around us used to look like.
Phil is older than June, and looks frailer. He walks with a stick, and literally bends double, arching his back like a perfect C. He has been in and out of the hospital several times over the last couple of months, and informs me that he now has a practically uncountable number of ailments and deficiencies. The fortunate or unfortunate thing about Phil is that his mind, hearing and voice could not be sounder - in fact he is intellectually brilliant, witty, deeply cynical but very funny about his situation, and never misses a beat. This makes him quite lucky given his age, but unlucky given his condition, because I can't imagine what it must be like to have such a mind and to be locked up inside all day, especially with the task of caring for your significant other. Phil has led a fascinating life travelling all across the world through business, and so his house is full of these curiosities, paintings and so on, including of a white tiger, and of the aforementioned Indonesia. Last time I was around their house he insisted that I take a beautiful teapot of his ("We'll be gone soon anyway" was the gist of his gifting) which I have in front of me right now. It's small and white with two golden birds and an orange flower around the teapot lid.
We left with an offer of future help, which I know Phil will not take up.
In other news, there has apparently been some important political news going on. Unfortunately (as you all know) I am a heartily and typically politically apathetic teenager, totally indifferent to matters governmental and cut off from the world of voting and holding down six jobs at once. But I have gathered some vague knowledge about what's going on through Tinder, Grindr and other such tools of the Millenial generation (bloody millennials).
So Theresa may have called for a big game of Snap!™ involving all the main political parties for the 8th June. Theresa's politics are very unclear which is why she earned her popular nickname 'may' (analogous to Alfred 'The Great'); indeed she seems to have no fixed principles at all. Some people say that she sprung the game of Snap!™ on the other participants in order to make it easier for her to win, because polls suggest her Snap!™ skills are highly regarded, and because of the element of surprise. I think this is all definitely true, and I must admit I do find her turn-around very surprising given that only days ago she was fixated on playing monopoly.
Up against her are the leaders of Labour, the Lib Dems, UKIP, the Greens etc. I think I may one day be destined to be Labour Leader, because:
1. One of my middle names is 'Lynton' (true story); this was Tony Blair's middle name
2. Ed Miliband's constituency is Doncaster North: my Dad was from Doncaster
3. My birthday is the 26th May and so is Jeremy Corbyn's.
Therefore I am going to become the next Labour leader.
Some people say that Corbyn is not very good at Snap!™ e.g. David Miliband thinks that Corbyn's leadership is a mistake because "he won't win" Snap!™. Apparently this is because his tactics are too radical. I'm not so sure myself that David Miliband or Tony Blair or any of those people are that good at Snap!™ either; nor am I very convinced that 'Up the middle classes!' is a really good basis for progressive game-playing. But I'd rather any of them won to Theresa.
Tim Farron is an oxymoron because he is not 'far on' the left or 'far on' the right (Geddit?!) - he likes to play Snap!™ from the centre every time. Farron is trying to get the support of the people who did not vote for the UK cards federation to be separated from the European federation, because they think it was a 'fucking moronic' decision. This is a divisive debate, and there is controversy as to whether to support the small-minded people who wanted the cards federation to separate or to oppose those backwards clots. I am definitely neutral in this debate.
To help them with their campaigns to be better at Snap!™ each of the leaders is going to travel across the country. They are trying to make themselves more appealing and so all have been practicing their jazz hands to appeal to the Musical Theatre community, but none of them are very good.
 |
| Too flat, Jeremy. Too flat. Too like a mime. Get some shake in there. On the other hand, I can see that you're just beginning to burst into a lovely and very apposite rendition of 'June is bustin' out all over' |
 |
This is actually quite good, but her hands are a bit low, and her attempt at a smile is terrifying.
|
 |
| Tim's not quite got the hang of jazz hands, but then he hasn't quite got his head around the idea of homosexual sex either, so I guess he has a lot to learn. |
RJLF
Comments
Post a Comment