Why I Hate Table Manners
Cambridge is full of rules. The French philosopher Michel Foucault always felt that the canny thing about modern Liberalism was that the state didn't need to do much in the manner of regulating behaviour because modern people regulate themselves so much - freedom is just the freedom to abide by cultural norms, lest you be ostracised by your disapproving neighbours or by your own pressing internal judge! And those cultural norms, by the way, often have a considerable level of arbitrariness about them, being the accumulated product of a thousand years of different competing influences, sentiments and ideas.
This is how I feel about table manners. The ideological underpinning of table manners is that eating in its 'pure' form is kind of disgusting. Manners is in part there to make it less so. But why do we view this pure and unadorned form of eating as inherently disgusting? Taste is one of the few truly distinctive sensations that humans can experience in life, a source of immense pleasure to all involved. We all eat, we all chew, we all undergo the same biological processes in that department - yet we still view it as icky. The knife and fork become not only a physical barrier separating human from fuel, but a temporal barrier separating us from our earliest selves who, naked and cold in some ancient cave somewhere, took true joy in their food, talked merrily as they ate, connected with their food directly with their hands, and would have put their elbows on their tables if they had tables.
My other problem with table manners comes from the way that it perpetuates divisions of class. Historically, 'table manners' was about defining a social group: if you were a 'gentleman' or a 'lady', you behaved in this way, and if you weren't you were base and lacked self-control. This was Britain in the early 19th century. This kind of approach to table manners persists to this day (as I've discovered at Cambridge), and all joking aside I really do think we could give far fewer shits about this sort of pointless superstructural clap-trap and far more about other, bigger problems.
But I thought I'd give table manners a chance, so here are my views on what Wikipedia has to say on the subject.
'Napkins should be placed on the lap and not tucked into clothing.' Unless you are planning on stealing the napkin, in which case, tuck away.
'Napkins should not be used for anything other than wiping your mouth.' But what about funky napkin swans? Alternatively, major political ideas? Betty Friedan came up with the name for the American National Organisation for Women (NOW) by scribbling it on a napkin. And what about other people's mouths? Hypothetical question: does an unused napkin get irremediably assigned to the person with whose mouth it is associated even if it is unused? Can napkins not be used to wipe away tears in an emergency? What about blood and sweat and toil? How far away from the middle of the lips does the 'mouth' are end, and with what consequences? Etc. etc.
'The fork is held with the left hand and the knife held with the right.' Now THIS was a major bug-bear of me when I was a child. Firstly, the fact that this rule seems to apply even for left-handers is a classic cultural manifestation of the structures by which the left-handed have been oppressed in society (conventionally labelled 'Rightriarchy'). Secondly, actually frankly illogical given that this is (at least in my experience) harder to learn than the instinctive thing that most right-handers, which is use their more dexterous hand for the fork.
'The fork is held generally with the tines down using the knife to cut food or help guide food on to the fork. When no knife is being used, the fork can be held with the tines up.' But what do you do in space, where there is no up and down?
'With the tines up, the fork balances on the side of the index finger, held in place with the thumb and index finger.' How is someone who has difficulties with spatial awareness meant to understand this instruction?
'Under no circumstances should the fork be held like a shovel, with all fingers wrapped around the base.' One of many instances which indicates the fundamentally CLASSIST nature of the 'table manners' system. The instruction reads no shovels, but what it wants to say is 'The working class aren't welcome here! Don't bring your grotty scab-stained hands to our dining table!'
Also - hypothetical question - is it impolite to carry a shovel like a fork?
'The knife must never enter the mouth or be licked.' This advice is intelligent in some respects, because it reduces the likelihood of people stabbing themselves through their mouth and out the back of their own head. But I wonder if it underestimates the potential of the knife in its more peaceful, non-cutting capacities. Knives are, for instance, surprisingly good for finishing up the last bits of soup; they are also good for balancing peas.
'When eating soup, the spoon is held in the right hand and the bowl tipped away from the diner, scooping the soup in outward movements. The soup spoon should never be put into the mouth, and soup should be sipped from the side of the spoon, not the end.' I think I'll stick to cup-a-soups.
'Food should always be chewed with the mouth closed.'
This is an intriguing one, and one of the ones on here which I find instinctively hardest to criticize. But there are methodological problems afoot. In particular:
'Only white wine or rosé is held by the stem of the glass; red by the bowl.' Potentially the most boring and pointless rule that has ever been devised by humankind.
'It is also rude to slurp food, eat noisily or make noise with cutlery.' But how does one create a rousing improvised dinnertime samba without cutlery noises and a rhythmic slurp?
'Elbows should remain off the table.' Yawn.
RJLF
This is how I feel about table manners. The ideological underpinning of table manners is that eating in its 'pure' form is kind of disgusting. Manners is in part there to make it less so. But why do we view this pure and unadorned form of eating as inherently disgusting? Taste is one of the few truly distinctive sensations that humans can experience in life, a source of immense pleasure to all involved. We all eat, we all chew, we all undergo the same biological processes in that department - yet we still view it as icky. The knife and fork become not only a physical barrier separating human from fuel, but a temporal barrier separating us from our earliest selves who, naked and cold in some ancient cave somewhere, took true joy in their food, talked merrily as they ate, connected with their food directly with their hands, and would have put their elbows on their tables if they had tables.
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| Here is one 'unmannered' citizen - about to throw her napkin, and who has her phone on the table - who under the present cultural system would be socially ostracised for her behaviour, and who I wish here to defend (IN-JOKE IN-JOKE IN-JOKE) |
My other problem with table manners comes from the way that it perpetuates divisions of class. Historically, 'table manners' was about defining a social group: if you were a 'gentleman' or a 'lady', you behaved in this way, and if you weren't you were base and lacked self-control. This was Britain in the early 19th century. This kind of approach to table manners persists to this day (as I've discovered at Cambridge), and all joking aside I really do think we could give far fewer shits about this sort of pointless superstructural clap-trap and far more about other, bigger problems.
But I thought I'd give table manners a chance, so here are my views on what Wikipedia has to say on the subject.
'Traditionally in Western Europe, the host or hostess takes the first bite unless he or she instructs otherwise.' Boy, this has gone out of fashion, hasn't it!
'In religious households, a family meal may commence with saying Grace.' The pious but nevertheless rushed small business owner just says the word 'Grace' and gets on with it.
'At dinner parties the guests might begin the meal by offering some favourable comments on the food and thanks to the host.' But how can you KNOW the meal is good before having eaten it? I mean, all the plaudits for aesthetically-appealing food, but the Mona Lisa is aesthetically pleasing, and if you ate that you'd probably go to Jail.
'In a group dining situation it is considered impolite to begin eating before all the group have been served their food and are ready to start.' Though this situation is totally impractical if the food you are serving is hot, which is, it is fair to say, one of the main food temperatures on this planet.
'Napkins should be placed on the lap and not tucked into clothing.' Unless you are planning on stealing the napkin, in which case, tuck away.
'Napkins should not be used for anything other than wiping your mouth.' But what about funky napkin swans? Alternatively, major political ideas? Betty Friedan came up with the name for the American National Organisation for Women (NOW) by scribbling it on a napkin. And what about other people's mouths? Hypothetical question: does an unused napkin get irremediably assigned to the person with whose mouth it is associated even if it is unused? Can napkins not be used to wipe away tears in an emergency? What about blood and sweat and toil? How far away from the middle of the lips does the 'mouth' are end, and with what consequences? Etc. etc.
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| DO I DISGUST YOU |
'The fork is held generally with the tines down using the knife to cut food or help guide food on to the fork. When no knife is being used, the fork can be held with the tines up.' But what do you do in space, where there is no up and down?
'With the tines up, the fork balances on the side of the index finger, held in place with the thumb and index finger.' How is someone who has difficulties with spatial awareness meant to understand this instruction?
'Under no circumstances should the fork be held like a shovel, with all fingers wrapped around the base.' One of many instances which indicates the fundamentally CLASSIST nature of the 'table manners' system. The instruction reads no shovels, but what it wants to say is 'The working class aren't welcome here! Don't bring your grotty scab-stained hands to our dining table!'
Also - hypothetical question - is it impolite to carry a shovel like a fork?
'The knife must never enter the mouth or be licked.' This advice is intelligent in some respects, because it reduces the likelihood of people stabbing themselves through their mouth and out the back of their own head. But I wonder if it underestimates the potential of the knife in its more peaceful, non-cutting capacities. Knives are, for instance, surprisingly good for finishing up the last bits of soup; they are also good for balancing peas.
'When eating soup, the spoon is held in the right hand and the bowl tipped away from the diner, scooping the soup in outward movements. The soup spoon should never be put into the mouth, and soup should be sipped from the side of the spoon, not the end.' I think I'll stick to cup-a-soups.
'Food should always be chewed with the mouth closed.'
This is an intriguing one, and one of the ones on here which I find instinctively hardest to criticize. But there are methodological problems afoot. In particular:
- How is 'chew' defined in this situation? Are the bites during which food is got into the mouth not also a kind of 'chewing' - because, if so, isn't it impossible to consume anything totally with one's mouth closed? You could of course redefine 'chewing' to only account for that food which could fairly be described as totally 'inside' the general mouth area, but by the time you had gone through this thought process you probably would have already swallowed it.
- I for one don't really do this when I'm alone - so it is the sight of an open mouth which is the problem. Would you be embarrassed to see yourself eating with an open mouth if there was a mirror in front of you? Questions and questions, curious and curiouser.
'Only white wine or rosé is held by the stem of the glass; red by the bowl.' Potentially the most boring and pointless rule that has ever been devised by humankind.
'It is also rude to slurp food, eat noisily or make noise with cutlery.' But how does one create a rousing improvised dinnertime samba without cutlery noises and a rhythmic slurp?
'Elbows should remain off the table.' Yawn.
RJLF
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